[Satire] Introducing a New Token: USD !

This new token is being used by over 1 billion vendors and businesses around the world!

• $4 Trillion Market Cap
• 100 % Centralized Ownership by the Federal Reserve with opaque rules and randomly shifting governance appointed by someone you probably do not like — But you can totally trust them not to screw you over ! (They care about you.)
• No ability to work with computer systems or smart contracts, handled using thousands of separate centralized proprietary closed bank frameworks which must be piecemealed together
• No central database to be able to track or trace payments so illegal activity can run rampant with no accountability
• Gigantic fees for all payments since there are tens of third parties taking fees on every small transaction including: Credit Card Companies and Credit Card Processors and Banks and Routing Systems and Bank Infrastructure Companies which all have staff and overhead
• Fees and transfer times wildly increase as transfer amount increases
• Always very difficult to transfer over borders

Invest now! Hold all of your wealth in this amazing new currency!